I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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