My brain says no but my pants say off.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
