She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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