Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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