What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
