She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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