So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
