He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You took a bar mat shot.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
