and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
