Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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