is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
