I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
