foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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