wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
