Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
