ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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