Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
