last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
