some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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