I wish I could teleport
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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