nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
