I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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