McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
