You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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