i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
