Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
