she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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