8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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