i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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