My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
