Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Barsexuality is the new black.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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