i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
