Screwed.edu
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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