it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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