My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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