Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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