If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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