I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
