Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
