How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
