You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize