I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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