I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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