Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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