After last night, I could never be a politician.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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