i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
