Cold hands, warm shart.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
