sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Can Purell be used as lube?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize