My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
