You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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