I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
