I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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