Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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