Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
