this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am naked and annoyed.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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