i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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