anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
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I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
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The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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