Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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