i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think my moral compass just broke
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
