My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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