Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Randomize
