I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
