You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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