I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The uberlube is also flammable
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
