I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
