Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
