pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
