He felt like a one man threesome
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
