The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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